We are headed down the trek to success with all the places that are legalizing our favorite green flower lately. So why wouldn’t we start October off right, with an EPIC list of Horror Films that we think you should watch while you are STONED. I’m going to pick five from each of these categories, and the following descriptions will let you know exactly how I decided they fit. The descriptions below the picture will tell you what the film is about and how I felt about watching them to give you a better idea with what you are getting yourself into.
ACTUALLY SCARY– The movies in this category are freaky. Not only will they have you on the edge of your seat, but they are likely pretty gory too. I probably covered my eyes at least 12 times throughout the duration of each of these films.
FUNNY SCARY– This will have you laughing in some parts to ease some of that tension, but you will jump at least once. **The funny might not actually be funny, it might just be stupid, but when I’m stoned I find the strangest things give me a bit of a laugh. To each their own.
THE CLASSICS– Some of these we’ve seen so many times that they probably aren’t that scary anymore to other people, and they are somewhat old timey… but I’m a total sucker for the classics and they deserved a spot on the list.
*SIDE NOTE: I didn’t put them in any sort of order besides the categories, and some of the movies made the list by popular vote. *
Let’s start off with the ACTUALLY SCARY
The Smiling Man
Even re-reading the description makes me nervous, and it’s literally less than 15 words. DESCRIPTION: A little girl left home alone, finds herself face-to-face with evil. This is one of those movies that takes place in your average household so it freaks me out even as an adult walking past that dark room in my house as I’m walking down the hall. Even though I know it’s fake, but when you’re stoned everything is heightened making it a bit harder to calm down. Plus it’s about a little girl! That makes it harder. Good luck with this one.
DESCRIPTION: A young woman is followed by an unknown supernatural force after a sexual encounter. I hate the idea of this. I haven’t even seen it, and it not only grosses me out but catches me in a weird freaked out mental place. Basically this chick hooks up with somebody and a curse falls upon her, the only way to get rid of it is to hook up with somebody else….therefore giving the curse to them. Yikes. I didn’t choose this one. Let us know in the comments what you thought.
DESCRIPTION: A family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession. This description makes it sound like an action movie, but they neglected to mention the animals turning malevolent, crops failing, and one child disappearing while another becomes seemingly possessed by an evil spirit. Which just keeps getting freakier and freakier (pun intended). Plus it’s sad because it’s within the family. So stoned you’ll feel all sorts of scared and sad and freaked out. You’re Welcome.
DESCRIPTION: A woman brings her family back to her childhood home, which used to be an orphanage for handicapped children. Before long, her son starts to communicate with an invisible new friend. This is the best short description so far. The orphanage seems like a happy place to live but WAIT her son made a friend? With who? Were they living there? Why? This one had me covering my eyes, covering my ears, turning the lights on… yep. Good luck.
DESCRIPTION:Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family (The Perrons and their five daughters) terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse. The Perrons recently moved into the secluded farmhouse, where a supernatural presence has made itself known. Though the manifestations are relatively benign at first, events soon escalate in horrifying fashion, especially after the Warrens discover the house’s macabre history. This isn’t just another one of those cabin in the woods sort of horror films. I recommend watching this one with a friend so you aren’t terrified in your own home.
Moving on to the FUNNY SCARY
This is The End
DESCRIPTION: While attending a party at James Franco’s house, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel and many other celebrities are faced with the Biblical Apocalypse. This is funny while sober, and hysterical when stoned. It’s not scary for the viewer if anything the stoned conversation following the movie about the Apocalypse will be scarier than the movie itself, but by popular vote it made the list.
DESCRIPTION: The plot about a group of college stoners who smoke from a sentient, malevolent bong unaware that it traps the toker in a surreal strip-club with killer strippers and other strange creatures. So yeah this one is super funny, but will make you fear your bong for a minute…until your stoney brain forgets and smokes anyways.
DESCRIPTION: Seventeen year old slacker Anton Tobias wakes up one Halloween morning to discover that both of his parents have been turned into two headless Halloween decorations. After speaking to his equally irresponsible friends, Mick and Pnub, he discovers that his right hand has a blood-thirsty mind of its own and is hell-bent on wreaking havoc whether he likes it or not…. pretty much says it all. Enjoy a good laugh.
DESCRIPTION: Cautionary tale features a fictionalized and highly exaggerated take on the use of marijuana. A trio of drug dealers lead innocent teenagers to become addicted to “reefer” cigarettes by holding wild parties with jazz music. If this one doesn’t show that the “reefer” is bad for you I’m not sure what will… I hope you are already laughing.
DESCRIPTION: An evil, sadistic Leprechaun goes on a killing rampage in search of his beloved pot of gold. Leprechauns are already kinda strange to me so this weird creepy film doesn’t help, but you will laugh.
Last but certainly not least THE CLASSICS
The Lost Boys
DESCRIPTION: After moving to a new town, two brothers discover that the area is a haven for vampires. The Lost Boys is an EPIC Movie and an absolute MUST watch. I wouldn’t say it’s too scary, but being stoned should help you put your heart and soul into watching it and I promise you’ll be hooked.
DESCRIPTION: A giant great white shark arrives on the shores of a New England beach resort and wreaks havoc with bloody attacks on swimmers, until a local sheriff teams up with a marine biologist and an old seafarer to hunt the monster down. I’m already shocked that you are reading this because that means you haven’t seen it yet… WHY? You should watch this with as much sticky icky as possible because it will take the intensity from a 6 to a solid 11.
DESCRIPTION: A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil and spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and of the future. I’ve watched this movie probably 20 times now and the shower scene still scares me to this very day. Sometimes I still check behind the shower curtain. So bring on the blunts Let’s get this ball rollin!
DESCRIPTION: In 1960, seven pre-teen outcasts fight an evil demon who poses as a child-killing clown. Thirty years later, they reunite to stop the demon once and for all when it returns to their hometown. THIS is the OLD movie NOT the remake. This one will actually freak you out. It’s a super long movie so make sure to roll up a couple joints, but definitely watch it all the way through. When you finish it follow up with the remake. **Side Note: The remake belongs in the Funny Scary section because it is scary with a side of a bit of comedy. I do recommend both versions though.**
DESCRIPTION: Fifteen years after murdering his sister on Halloween night 1963, Michael Myers escapes from a mental hospital and returns to the small town of Haddonfield to kill again. I feel like this is a strong one to end the post with. Sleeping tight after you watch this one will probably be a little tough, however this is a total Classic and it has to be done. Break out the edibles for this bad boy for sure.